the terrible fire of old regret is honey on my tongue

I feel it in my blood
In the fire and the flood
The beast that can't be killed
Even now you mark my steps
Lovely bitter water
All the days of our delights are poison in my veins
I know I shouldn't love you
I know

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c h a r l o t t e l e n o r e a t t i c u s

continuation for [personal profile] devildo || its terrible potential has begun

Aug. 22nd, 2020 09:58 pm
americanvvitch: (Default)
[personal profile] americanvvitch
[continued from here]

The ending came quickly, as they so often did.

Little fanfare surrounded Alastor's exit... no floating appendages, no jovial crackling of her radio. Only the quiet ringing of piano keys to play him off as he vanished from sight, the last notes of a doleful wake. It seemed an inappropriately sober outtro, in contrast to the tone of the rest of the evening.

With Alastor gone, deep silence settled over the cabin. Save for soft footsteps while the flour and whiskey were tucked away, and the creak and latch of the door. The radio show he had pulled into existence dwindled away by the time she had finished, and then all that was left was the sound of grit and sand as it blew over the horizon and the occasional pop of the fire in her hearth. Little by little each trace of him faded, unsustainable without his magic, but even as his essence seeped out of the world, Lotte felt the creature take root in her mind. The worn mattress beneath her gave no comfort or relief. The red stag and the thrill and terror of it might very well haunt her for the rest of her days.

The feeling that had long plagued her, of feeling somewhere lost between this world and another was only intensified now. Time would flow, dawn would come, nothing in her little home would stretch itself larger than its physical shape ought to have been, and the world would return to its previous state. All would mend itself now.

All but her.

The idea that she could not be the same after what she'd done followed her, like her own gauzy shadow, through the following week. The days rolled in and out, hazy with dust, fragrant loaves of fresh bread and the slow drying of the original, ordinary bottle of whiskey that predated the harvest night. Lotte had never missed anyone, so she couldn't really say for sure that the strange restlessness she couldn't quite shake was covetous. Or that it had anything to do with Alastor in particular. If she had called something else up, would it have been such a distraction? Well, there really wasn't any way to know with Alastor and his like down there and Lotte wasting away up here - and that was just how it would have to stay.

She had no excuse to call Alastor and what good sense she possessed (along with pride, perhaps) prevented her from making another social call. She was stalwart in that, or so she thought.

But Lotte was not any great mountain or a deeply-rooted tree. She was kindling, and a spark of fire and a rush of air was all it ever took to change her course.

∅ ∅ ∅ ∅


Near a week and a half had passed, before the storm hit. It wasn't a surprise - this was probably closing in on the fiftieth storm Lotte had weathered in this place. The static electricity had woken her before dawn and she'd wasted no time tugging on her boots and wrapping the bottom of her face with a double piece of old cotton before she ventured out of the cabin to check that each sigil at the edge of town was intact. The farmers had instructions on how to refresh the sigils placed at the center of their acreage and along the borders - they would be on their own with no car or horse at her disposal to check them.

Surrounding the town itself, there were three. The head of the triangle lay about two miles up the road, just off a crossroads. She'd noticed early on that most of the storms rolled in from that direction, and so she'd created the barrier's tip there with some hope that it would slice through the force of nature and help distribute the power along the sides of where the barrier ran, rather than letting it hit them head on. That one had to be checked first, then she'd double back along the fence line to the other two.

After that, things had happened fast. Dark clouds had rolled in on her way to the last sigil point, and cast a shroud over the land that turned it black in a matter of moments. There'd been no choice but to run for the last sigil and then pray the storm held as she ran harder back through the fields to the shack, sparks of blue flame snapping at her her hair from along the fence line as she went.

There hadn't been enough time to seal up the shutters, plug the cracks in the door with rags and blankets and scribble a sigil on the door as she normally might have. Instead, she'd had to disappear into the basement with little more than a blanket to shield from the dust.

Dust storms came and went quickly, at least.

The cleanup had taken longer. Several hours of sweeping the sand and dirt from surfaces, dragging all the linens out to hang outside and beat the dust from them - because the barrier couldn't keep a storm out entirely. No, it only curbed the force, mitigated the damage.

It was well into the evening by the time she'd finished that, eaten some cold stew, a piece of bread, and settled in at her table with the whiskey Alastor had given her.

She'd earned a bit of celebration hadn't she? She'd managed to get a fire going, all the doors and windows were open to air things out, and she did have a little cough that needed soothing.

Of course, Lotte planned to make the bottle to last, so she hadn't poured too much. Which was.. admittedly hard to do after tasting it for the first time. Little favors allowed her to be alone for the coughing fit that followed her first sip. It was smooth, very smooth, but also by far the strongest thing she'd ever put in her body.

But it was good. Very good, really.

So good that Lotte didn't quite notice the warm, easy slide that took her from pleasantly tipsy to quite drunk all in her first glass.

And how she'd gone from the cheery warmth of sitting by her fire, reading a book by candlelight and listening to the radio to painting a rather large, improvised sigil on the wall of her shack well.... she really didn't know. She felt warm and loose all over, and it seemed like a perfectly reasonable idea to invite Alastor back for a chat and a drink. Why shouldn't she?

He had been more of a friend to her than anyone here! He was clever, had more than a bit of wit, and she missed the particular heat and bite of his magic. Like cinnamon and clove in mulled wine.

Lotte stepped back, wiping the blood on her pale green dress before her eyes fluttered closed and she called. This sigil was not so carefully crafted, but she felt no lack of magic in it, if anything, she felt like she knew how to call for Alastor better. Not at a physical place, so much as a wavelength in the magic, her intuition told her that this sigil was right for what she sought, and it was nothing to funnel her own magic through it to create a proper invitation. A door. All he needed to do was step through, because that was what she wished.

Why don't you come join me for a drink, Mr. Radio Demon?

Date: 2021-01-03 12:55 am (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

Alastor's shadow pulled itself over him like a shroud; not external, not visible, but in his mind, sliding itself between the forefront of his mind and his eyes, blanking him gently out. He couldn't think too much, now. That pain was fresh and wet, a sticky feeling under his skin, an unyielding awareness of the density of his own body. He couldn't walk straight. Every movement hurt, and it was everything like being alive, and nothing at all like it, at the same time.

And that was accurate, and his shadow, the static that still hummed all around him, whispered gently that it was fine, that it would let him go again when it was safe to, but for now he would simply have to stumble forward and know that it was carrying him. It was, because it was a part of himself, and for that reason, he trusted it, and it was that, the black energy of his shadow, that helped carry him where Lotte's grip fell just slightly too short.

The walk back down the street was a swirl of panting nothingness, a desperate blindness like intoxication, even though Alastor was, technically, seeing everything around him: the tufts of dry grasses along the side of the road, the dust scuffing up under their boots, Lotte's frizz of wild hair from the corner of his eye, his shadow bouncing about underfoot, feeling out the space ahead of him to keep him steady, then licking back around to press at the small of his back and push him upright.

It was more than a small relief, when he found himself dumped onto Lotte's thin mattress, staring, reeling, at the rafters of her roof. They revolved slowly around him. How long would it be like this? He told himself that he could breathe properly now, and he did, and it steadied him. This was, indeed, like being too drunk, just a little too far past the realm of maintaining control over his body, but this, like drunkenness, would end. Alastor only needed to hold onto himself, until it did.

His head dropped to the side and took her in, scraped and flecked with her own blood. Pride swelled in his stomach, a smile spread lazy and slow across his face, his heavy eyelids lifting as he looked at her. "You did it," he said, this incredulous hint in his voice betraying that a part of him really hadn't believed she could. "That was aces, my dear, if I do say so." His arms splayed wide on the bed, one hand butting up against the wall and bending at the wrist, the other dangling loose over the side, near Lotte. He, too, could tell that he was somehow smaller now than he had been, but it didn't quite feel that way. If anything, he felt larger, smashing up against more of what was physically there in the room than before. "Now, I should think you owe me some of that whiskey I left you."

Date: 2021-01-03 03:53 am (UTC)
devildo: (well never leave a trace or)
From: [personal profile] devildo

If Alastor laid as much thought behind his intent as it deserved, he might have thought to anticipate this moment, and in doing so, had some guess as to whether it would feel more like being alive, or more like he always had in Hell. In either case, he would be wrong - It was neither, and all the more disorienting for it.

While Alastor remembered the loose and leeching darkness of dying, he couldn't say there was ever a time when he was dead. He was human, dying, and then himself. And this was something else, a mysterious stage in between the two. He wanted to feel it all, if only his muscles weren't too stiff.

Slowly, deliberately, in spite of the aching that ripped through him and threatened to seize up every tendon in his body, he sat up on the bed and took the glass from Lotte, downed in as swiftly as she did. His hand struck back out towards her. "Another, if you please," he said. She would notice, when she looked, that the bottle was no emptier than it had been, before she poured them each a drought.

And that may be answer enough, regarding how he felt, but really he simply had no way of describing it. His eyes, only the slightest hint of red left ringing his pupils, remained fixed on the burning fire across the room, its shape reflected there in his irises. They glimmered and shifted in that light, but didn't spin. His shadow curled quietly around his ankles; one of his pants legs was rucked up, exposing his ankle above the black of his sock, a sliver of untowardly human looking skin between it and his trousers.

Alastor forewent answering the question, and beamed down at Lotte, instead. "Truly, you were splendid. They won't be back for me until tomorrow, and we'll be long gone by then."

Date: 2021-01-03 05:15 am (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

Alastor laughed, a light peal of sound that rippled through the air. Even to his own ears, it sounded different now, just shy of otherworldly. He noted, his shadow slithering across the floor to follow Lotte's movements around the room like an interested cat, that his connection to his power felt no different than it ever had. Fortunate. That wasn't really something that had concerned him, but it would have been an unpleasant discover to make, to be sure. What could hurt him now, he wondered?

The second burning swallow slid down his throat, flecked his lips, a damp glimmer he brushed away before Lotte turned back to him with the damp washcloth. Quietly, in the corner, is shadow pulsated silently. It was laughing at him - not mean in spirit, but amused.

His eyes fell shut, the briefest moment of indulgence. While he wouldn't normally hold with unsolicited touches, this was... Different. Unexpected. So bizarrely soothing now that he suddenly found himself with a body that could experience such things, it didn't occur to him to protest.

"Clever," he said behind that slow smile, a soft clicking sound in his throat, eyes shut and head tipped back under Lotte's ministrations. "But it's nothing to concern yourself with. "We'll be leaving here tomorrow, too. I don't intend to keep you here in this cesspit any longer than necessary - that wasn't our deal, now, was it?"

Date: 2021-01-03 08:26 pm (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

With a wave of his fingers, Alastor brushed the concern off. "Tsk," he enunciated, and wagged his finger at Lotte, nails still long but neither particularly sharp nor claw-like, as they had been the last she saw him. "Don't you know it's this attitude that gets girls in trouble? Caring for strange men?"

That, in itself, might have sounded like a veiled threat, coming from someone else. Alastor just sounded like he was stating a fact - chiding her, teasing, but making the sort of observation one might to young cousin who didn't know any better. Nothing salacious, and he was neither particularly strange nor particularly ready to cause trouble. Least of all that kind.

The wave of his fingers turned inwards and reached into his breast pocket from which he produced a silver cigarette case that hadn't been there before. But now it was, and that was the way things were - even easier, in some ways, than the business with the garden. He didn't need so much permission from a living soul, anymore.

"Do you mind?" he asked, waving the case towards Lotte, but this proved to be a rhetorical question as he followed it up with, "I don't," and withdrew a cigarette from the case, sparking a flame to life at the ends of his fingers.

"If there's anything here worth taking -" he paused, fixing Lotte's eyes with a long stare while he took a drag, "get it together while the getting's good. Surely you don't want to lose everything here."

Date: 2021-01-03 11:30 pm (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

This might have still been Lotte's house (and so it would remain - it was unlikely they would ever come back here, and even if they did, it would be as hers as it ever had, not a place Alastor ever lived), but Alastor felt himself spreading throughout the place, the thrum of the magic he left behind in the garden entwining with hers, the long-limbed reach of his shadow settling its way back into the comfortable spaces in the grain of the wood again to hold the shape of the place in its grasp, his own feet solid on the floor, and the recline of his body back against the bed. He propped himself casually on one elbow, looking as comfortable as all the world would allow, like he belonged here.

He didn't. His long thumbnail flicked the cigarette between his fingers, a little cascade of ash falling onto the bedspread and then vanishing as he willed it away almost unconsciously. Lotte moved throughout the room like a dancer caught in some interpretive choreography; Alastor's leg folded over the other, his foot tapped some unheard tune in the air, the music of her movements.

He shrugged at the mention of the blood, as if it was nothing, but it leapt crystal clear into his mind. He could still see it shining there by his fireplace. "This and that," he answered ambiguously. "Nothing you'd notice. Nothing that would hurt."

Pushing himself back up, he leaned towards her, elbow on his bent knee. "I suspect," he said, because it really didn't matter that this was pure speculation, she could doubt him all she wanted to, and he really didn't think she would bother at this point, "rest will be the ticket. How do you suppose we'll travel, hm? What do you envision when you think about it? I know you have."

Date: 2021-01-04 03:58 am (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo
Alastor hummed in consideration and approval. It was nothing less than the truth and the truth nothing less than he expected from Lotte's discernment, but it was still nice to hear it, to hear the power of himself flowing from the lips of another.

They whispered about him, in hell. In veiled threats and vague statements, because they didn't really know. It was all speculation. Lotte saw him act (not kill, but act), and lived to tell the tale. She could surmise.

He shrugged, letting the matter of the blood roll off him. That vial in his living room would continue on, glowing in the reverb of the neverending flame that stoked the fire. A piece of her would stay there, down in hell, cold and untouched, waiting. The rest of her would be up here, with him, for as long as they both willed it, and what need did he have for some small piece of her held close to the vest like a prize, then?

He had all of her.

What did that mean?

Surely not much, not to someone like him, not in a thousand senses. But there it was.

Alastor regarded her with narrow eyes, shrouded in smoke and sharp speculation. "Do you, now?" he asked with a laugh. If she really had a broom, he would be hard pressed to deny her the flight. "No, I think we'll go more quickly than that. I have a place ready for you, did you know? How do you imagine that? I should be sure it stacks up to your...anticipations."

Date: 2021-01-05 12:44 am (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

The clothing Lotte withdrew from the dresser looked a sad picture of the whole affair. Alastor didn't take much note of the other things, the paraphernalia and artifacts of her magical practice. Those looked the same no matter where you went, really - the same bundles of herbs and globs of wax and well-worn sheets of notes. That is, when you were speaking to someone who had half an ounce of serious intent in them. It wasn't anything new.

But the dresses, pale as her arms and thin as her frame, were a different story. Those painted the picture of someone hard done by and under appreciated, someone who had never had much and made what she could of what she had. It was the picture of someone who cared more for her work than for her vanity, someone who prioritized survival over the sort of artifice that, ironically, might have enabled her to do more than survive - to thrive.

How unlike Alastor himself, in life. It amused him.

He took another long drag from the cigarette, poured himself another shot of whiskey, and gulped it down. This, alone, was doing a heavy part to make him feel more himself. Still, something like hunger burned at the bottom of his being. He stood, a slow and steady motion, and crossed the floor to Lotte, ran his fingers over the weave of the fabric in her arms. "It's hard to imagine you want these," he mused, the cigarette burning near its end. He snapped his fingers and it vanished in the air between them. "But of course you can. Your wish is my command, isn't it? The house is yours."

Date: 2021-01-06 10:48 pm (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

"Always ask questions," Alastor admonished like he was scolding a child. Deftly, he plucked one of the dresses from the pile in her arms, the faded red, and held it up in front of him. Sound hummed and clicked from his throat, the same static reverb that was nearly always there, no matter what form he took.

He shook the fabric once, and it made a sharp whump of sound in the air, like a flag or a tablecloth unfurling. "Not like this," he said, colour seeping from his fingertips on the shoulders of the dress, and back into its fabric. It slowly traveled down the length of the garment, and where the colour spread, the seams tightened, the buttons shone. "They're quite different, you'll have to see it."

Truly, how could he describe it? It would be like describing a forest to someone who had only ever seen a smattering of trees littered in independent copses across the prairie. "Tall, grand, by all accounts. The colour may frighten you."

He snapped the dress in the air again, and passed it back to Lotte with a smug smile. "There's one for the road."

Date: 2021-01-08 06:34 pm (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

Pride swelled in Alastor, watching Lotte with the dress. Temptation lingered in him, the urge to snatch the other dresses from their discarded place and mend them, too, but he wouldn't. Now was not the time for a big show. That was coming. Temptation could wait... And even if it couldn't, he would have to force it to; the night was too draining to attempt much more than parlor tricks.

So he physically separated himself from the faded cotton objects of his desire, picking up the bottle of whiskey again and both glasses, his and Lotte's, which he placed on the table and filled, before perching himself on the edge of the table itself.

"Of course." He didn't need to tell her that he wouldn't miss it for the world, couldn't seem over-eager. Not that it was entirely to do with Lotte herself. She was a measure of it, the idea of impressing and astonishing her, of seeing the world through the freshness of her gaze, enticed him. But no, it wasn't really that. The idea of going home tugged at his gut, stole any promise of rest from him. He wouldn't be wholly satisfied again until he was there.

This he played close to the vest. Lotte couldn't know how much of a favor she'd done for him by accepting this transaction. If she did, it would leave him beholden in some way, he was sure, even though the deal they struck was all but done. Would be done, in the morning.

"Have I been anything less than honorable, dear Lotte? No, you'll know the place when I'm done." He gestured to the full glasses seated by him. "Proper toast?"

Date: 2021-01-10 09:58 pm (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

This, all, was a mistake. If Alastor could properly have read Lotte's mind, this much he would have said. What he felt, instead, was waves of wanting rolling off her and into the long lines of his shadow bleeding through the cracks in the floor, reaching up into the cracks in the soles of her shoes, winding its way around the room. She longed, and wanted, and perhaps she never had with such focus, before. It could tell, without reading her mind.

Alastor chuckled. "Faith?" His eyes narrowed to a point that surpassed the realms of human ability, a harkening back to the strange physics his form possessed mere hours ago, a reminder that he was not what he appeared to be, no matter what shape currently cloaked him.

It was a rhetorical question, merely commentary. That Lotte should have faith in him was as laughable to Alastor as the idea that she should have faith in anything else beyond herself, religious or otherwise. It was silly, it was human. He loved it. His fingers curled possessively around his glass.

And he extended it to her while she spoke, waiting for her speech to end before he clinked his glass to hers. "To shaping," he agreed. "To unfettered wildness." He fixed her eyes with his and said, "So, drink!" And knocked back his own glass.

Date: 2021-01-10 11:07 pm (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

Perhaps all the better for her, that Alastor rejected such faith. He would not, for all his ego, be worshipped by anyone, whether their cause was just, or not. Worship was tantamount to enslavement, this he knew. No god had ever existed, to his knowledge, that wasn't subsurvient to its devotees. With faith and worship came need, reliance. Those were things better not experienced, if your desire was to remain truly free.

And that was his desire. He would rid her of this silly belief in him, one day.

He swallowed his drink fast enough to watch Lotte down hers, and smiled coyly all the way, lips pressed to the rim of his glass.

"Is it not," he chuckled, when she spoke. It was the drink that drove the laughter, more potent now in this form. It didn't scare him to be this way, only because he knew he would be different within a day, something between what he was now, and what he had been. This was only a temporary setback and not one that he feared. He thought of himself as too intelligent to be afraid of that which was assured to end.

But, he set the glass down and waved his hand, not dismissing Lotte, but dismissing the alcohol and perhaps the level of concern. It was silly to be concerned with a creature like him. That, too, was profoundly human.

He reclined on the table, one hand behind him, propping himself up. "I think," he said, "I'd rather watch you work. What else do you have to bring?"

Date: 2021-01-11 12:36 am (UTC)
devildo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] devildo

"What do you know about what I'd find interesting?" Alastor drawled. She was wrong, of course; everything about her was interesting, and he found it the opposite of that, quite boring in fact, that she didn't know that.

Any burn Lotte sustained would find itself healed by morning, too, but Alastor didn't feel the need to betray this information. He sighed and stretched, rolling his shoulders, looking as much as he could the picture of disinterest in the whole tableau before him, this pitiful room full of pitiful belongings. The bed he had no need (in his estimation) to rest in.

"Show me," he insisted, meeting Lotte's lean with one of his own, until their noses were too close and the whole shape of his smile was surely mangled in her vision, askew and impossible to look straight at. The smell of her blood and sweat and heat-ruptured skin bubbled up to him - he inhaled deeply, his eyes fluttering shut for a beat.

She was right that he could wait, but he was choosing not to. "Show me, and I'll go to sleep. I'll be perfectly content."

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